Thursday, April 30, 2009

Conversations with a Three-Year-Old, Vol. 4

Him: “Remember when I was a baby and I was in your belly and I pushed your belly out?”
Me: “Yes.”
Him: “And Reid was in Daddy’s belly.”
Me: “No, Reid was in my belly, too.”
Him: “But who was in Daddy’s belly?”

Him (pretending to drive, with me in the passenger seat): “Here we go, mom!”
Me: “Where are we going? California?”
Him: “Nope.”
Me: “Texas?”
Him: “No. We’re going to TARGET!”

Him (staring at the t-ball, holding the bat, ready to swing): “I am going to hit you now.”

Me: “Have a good day today.”
Him: “I will. And I will sit in time out.”
Me: “You don’t have to sit in time out if you’re a good boy.”
Him: “Yes, I will sit in time out.
Me: “No, you won’t. Just be good.”
Him: “I will push my butter (a.k.a brother). And then I will sit in time out.”

Him: “One day, I will be thiiiiiis tall, and I will be Daddy!”

Monday, April 27, 2009

Does Your Child Like Square Butts?

A couple weeks ago, Hubby and I were wrapped up in our weekly "Lost" watching ritual (truly the only show we both are addicted to - between E! News and ESPN, we somehow meet in the middle at "Lost") and out of nowhere we were slapped by it. The dancing king mascot. The hotties stuffing phone books into their Daisy Duke shorts. The Sir-Mix-a-Lot (he’s a rapper, mom) cameo. The demoralization of a beloved cartoon character. Oh yeah, and Burger King wants us to buy kids meals.


Yeah, you know – kids and square butts. I always think of the two together. You don’t?

Actually, I should mention that we don’t use the word “butt” in our house. It’s “bottom.” That’s my mother coming out of me. Which I am fine with.

I digress. Sitting there, still slightly confused as usual by the current "Lost" storyline, and suddenly finding ourselves even more confused by the use of phone books inside shorts and Sir-Mix-a-Lot in an ad, we turned to each other with furrowed brows and asked, “Was that a commercial for a KIDS MEAL?”

It was.

As I anticipated, the next day the blogosphere was abuzz. Moms were outraged, not only at Burger King for its obvious lack of appropriateness in kid-marketing tactics, but also at Nickelodeon for offering Sponge Bob up for such a crude spot that objectifies women. I mean, if I want my toddlers to learn about objectifying women, I’d expect that kind of education from MTV or "The Girls Next Door." Not you, Nick.

And then, it happened again. Last night, a couple weeks after our first square butt encounter, we saw it again. And this time, even Hubby was perplexed: “I can’t believe they haven’t pulled that ad.”

Note to Burger King: even my testosterone-filled husband finds your kids meal ad offensive. Something is really off here.

Other folks think we should all lighten up. What do you think? Should the fact that Burger King at least got people talking be considered a win? Or, was the hype worth the associated negativity? The use of Sponge Bob and tape measures sizing up female dancers’ square tushes certainly didn’t make me think about veering my car of toddlers towards the BK drive thru. You?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Hi. I'm Three.

Hi. I’m three.

I am curious. I’m curious about whether I can get away with things that I know I shouldn’t do. I am curious about when the girls across the street are going to be outside next so I can ride my bike with them. I am curious about how I can capture any of the attention people give my little brother.

I have my mom wondering if the best resource for dealing with me right now would be Love and Logic or Raising the Spirited Child. I like to keep her guessing. Because I’m three like that.

Sometimes I’m spirited. Sometimes I just like to raise hell because I’m a boy and it’s fun.

I like to scream the same sound repeatedly at the dinner table. My voice sounds funny when I do that.

I’m not afraid of anything or anyone. But that scares my mom to death.

I’m a daddy’s boy, though, so it really doesn’t bother me that I worry my mom. I like to say that dad is “my daddy” and mom is “Reid’s mommy.” My dad then assures my mom that one day I will snap out of this phase. And she doesn’t believe him.

I think it’s funny when my mom and dad kiss each other.

I also think it’s funny when my brother laughs. It makes me laugh. And then neither one of us can stop laughing. In fact, the laughing just gets louder and more uncontrollable. But those are the belly laughs that my mom loves. But I don’t really care about that because I am daddy’s boy.
I have mastered the potty training thing, but sometimes I like to pretend that I haven’t. I get attention then - when I pee in my pants. I like attention. And I like to keep my parents on their toes. So it works out well that way.

I like to do things by myself. I call it “be myself” and my mom doesn’t even correct me. Because she likes to hear me say that I want to be myself. Because she likes who I am. Even though I like daddy more than I like her.

I am currently obsessed with driving. I will try to open car doors – doesn’t matter who the car belongs to – to get inside behind the wheel and pretend that I’m driving somewhere. If mom and dad tell me I have to get out of the car I start throwing a fit. I can really throw a good one! After all, they interrupted my pretending. And I really like to pretend.

I also like to shout ‘surprise!’ whenever I walk into a room. Sometimes people shout it back. I guess they don’t realize that I already surprised them, so they can’t surprise me back. Overall, I just like a warm reception. And people like me to walk into the room. They like having me around.

Even though I’m a drama king.

But what do you expect?

I’m only three.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Handy Dandy Testosterone

Me: "Hey, how did you fix the DVD player?"

Hubby: "I punched it."